Question: My husband has now been dead for 7 months. I am still trying to get my life back. I had open heart surgery last December and am now in the process of selling my large home. I can’t seem to get over my anxiety that I will make the wrong decisions. I’ve always had someone in my life to talk things over with, but not now. How and when will I feel confident again? I am 74 years old and can’t imagine living the rest of my life alone.
Have you some helpful words that can take me forward?
Higgins: The first thing to do is collect your energy. A person feels drained when their energy isn’t flowing properly and solving this will help every aspect of life.
Energy should flow from just above the head, along the spinal column, into the ground ending just below the feet. Direct your own energy to do this by thinking it to be so and even drawing your hand from your head to your feet. This will help set up the correct flow so you can make better, clearer, more confident decisions.
We’d like you to stop reading right now and practice this aligning of energy. When you feel a little stronger, a matter of seconds to one or two minutes, read on.
You have experienced two major life events very close together. Assess what you have come to appreciate about life relative to the loss of your husband as well as the significant surgery your body has undergone. We expect you to discover that you value pleasant company. You already know that having someone to talk things over with is important. What else do you value? Do you value your body more than ever before?
Identify those things that you value. This should sound like, “I value having someone to talk things over with,” rather than, “I miss my husband.” Although we’re sure you do miss him (and we encourage you to grieve thoroughly) this grief period is also an expansion period while you dream up what you want for the next segment of your own life. The quicker you identify what is important to you the quicker you will see positive change.
Remember that your age has absolutely nothing to do with how marvelous a life experience you can create for yourself. It is easy to see how others live their life (whether they live it well or not) and unconsciously model your own life after theirs. We want you to intentionally choose a life that suits you rather than (unintentionally) following society’s life model which may not suit you. Selling your large home, for example, we see as a marvelous decision. A large home is too much for one person to care for and still have plenty of time to develop an expansive new life. We encourage you to dream about your new place thoroughly so that when you arrive in your new home it has all the amenities and attributes you love.
Next, we want to remind you that this is a process. It often takes a year or more to get used to your new wings. After you get the hang of looking for the things you value and choosing the life of your dreams the process becomes fun as life unfolds in unexpected yet miraculous ways.
Life is a game. Learn to play it and you shall have a wonderful adventure.
Received June 6, 2013 at Lake Goodwin, USA