Compassion in Marriage (Part 7): Be the Emotional Leader

Note: This is part 7 of Higgins’ response to this question. I re-posted the entire letter yesterday (May 2, 2012) for clarity as they address this next segment. The part Higgins is responding to today is bolded.

Question:  I’ve been trying to really take a look at how I view the world and watch the words that leave my mouth, understanding, as you have said, that these things shape my experiences. Well, the more I step back and look at myself, the more I see how my family has become used to being negative, and that negative outlook has skewed their vision. At first I thought it was just my husband as the source of the negativity, but now I see him as mirror to myself, and we both reflect to our children.

Higgins: Your family has become used to being negative. Correct. Yet another way to look at this is that you and your husband came together in relationship at some point in part because you were emotional/vibrational equals meaning that in some way you emotionally clicked. As children came forth, with you and your husband leading the emotional way, your children had to either become equal with the overall emotional environment within your household, rebel or leave.

So yes, your children’s outlook is skewed by the emotional leaders in the household (you and your husband) and reflect what you and your husband believe.

In your case your husband has been the emotional leader with you supporting him in that same emotional/vibrational equality that initially formed your relationship. Now you wish to change the emotional status quo and your husband isn’t prepared for this either mentally or emotionally. Another way to state this is you must become the new emotional leader and gently draw your husband and children into new emotional territory.

The way to accomplish this is to ever so gently begin to be the person you want to be. You do not want to try to explain this to your husband or your children or anyone else. You just want to ever so gently move forward through your days, being the person you wish to be and let everyone and everything in your life slip into place behind you.

Received May 2, 2012

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