Note: This is part 6 of Higgins’ response to this question. I have re-posted the entire letter for clarity and the part Higgins is responding to today is bolded.
Question: I read your channel on compassion and it was just what I needed to hear today.
I have a question for Higgins related to that channel. I’ve been trying to really take a look at how I view the world and watch the words that leave my mouth, understanding, as you have said, that these things shape my experiences. Well, the more I step back and look at myself, the more I see how my family has become used to being negative, and that negative outlook has skewed their vision. At first I thought it was just my husband as the source of the negativity, but now I see him as mirror to myself, and we both reflect to our children.
So now that I have stepped back and have taken a look at my own habits and have begun to change them, I find it a challenge to be in my husband’s company. He has the outlook that he is not appreciated, that he works too hard for no reward, and he doesn’t have a vision for his future. He always seems to have a reason why something can’t be done. I hear these words leave his mouth daily and when I try to explain to him that we shape our reality, he doesn’t hear it, and I think he doesn’t want to. I think he wants to hold onto being a victim, and I am not in that place anymore. The more I pull away from my husband (because I don’t know what else to do), the more sullen and angry he becomes, blaming me for his loneliness and unhappiness. I intend for my children to see the truth and live in a place of compassion. With their father as an example of the opposite, I’m not sure what to do.
So my question is, how do I maintain my viewpoint of compassion, achieve my dreams, and be a good example for my children, while living with a man who does not want the same? How do I love him when I don’t like being around him?
Higgins: Yes. Your thoughts, words, actions and most importantly the way you feel about your thoughts, words and actions shapes your daily life experience.
The way you feel is indicative of whether you are creating experiences you will enjoy or experiences you will find uncomfortable. If you find that you cannot manufacture positive emotion upon a topic then change the topic you are ruminating upon to something you can feel good about. If that doesn’t work then relax, letting your mind float on a sea of calm, thinking of nothing. Either option is superior to ruminating upon things that feel negative to you.
Consider this and the topic will be continued tomorrow.
Received May 2, 2012