Question: My husband is a rather angry person, who explodes quite often, blames me for a lot of things, doesn’t tell me the truth and says some rather unpleasant things. But he can also be sweet and I guess seemingly loving. I knew before marrying him that he had made some bad decisions in his life and that there were some issues he was still dealing with, but it seemed to be going better and he seemed to be growing as a person. I have personally gone through some low times in my life, where I allowed depression to take over, but I got out and I am purposing to be happy and grateful for life, although I find it difficult to stay upbeat in difficult encounters with my husband so I am questioning if persistence and patience are the way to go in this situation or if I should take my husband up on one of the occasional threats that he wants to divorce me and that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Is it really true that if you love them, you should let them go?
Higgins: We explained in the previous post, Should I Stay or Should I Go, that the very first thing to do is determine personal safety, both physical and emotional. If you are safe the next step is to determine what you want to do: stay or go.
In this post we wish to discuss how to improve your situation should you decide to stay.
Very little work is required on your part to make change. It seems like work is required but almost no physical work is required. The most important aspect of any relationship is you. How you think, feel, act and react, and believe are the defining aspects of relationships.
If you feel really, truly good about your husband your relationship is well. The reason this is so is that life is drawn to you by what you think, say and do and the emotion you carry while doing these things. You are, in essence, a big magnet attracting things. Obviously, you only want to attract things you will like.
In order to draw likeable behavior out of your husband you must think about him positively. You must remind yourself frequently of his positive traits and the things you like about him. Furthermore, you must think these thoughts with the most feeling you can muster. If your emotion is weak (and it may be at first) it will be less powerful in its ability to draw positive behavior from your spouse. Practice thinking of nice things, practice focusing on his positive behaviors rather than his negative ones. As you do this the Laws of the Universe will cause him to present more positive words and actions. Your ‘job’ is simply to think nice thoughts about him, the Universe will do the rest.
Second, make a list on paper or in your mind of all the things you like about being married regardless of whether your husband does these things or not. What do you like about marriage?
Third, make another list on paper or in your mind of all the things that are important to you in a relationship. Again, this is regardless of whether they are occurring in your current relationship or not.
Practice these three things every day. It is beneficial to manufacture a warm fuzzy feeling inside when you are thinking about these three topics but do them whether or not you can get that feel good feeling. Practice 2 and 3 every day until you no longer feel it is helpful. Number 1 should be practiced every day until the end of your time on Earth or your relationship with your husband ends. If it does end, and it may, then practice number 1 on your next husband until the end of time.
The next aspect is about self. The vibration you emit attracts a response from others. If you emit fear and uncertainty he will pounce. Not because he is a bad person but because he is responding to very powerful Laws of the Universe.
Practice step one above on yourself. Think at least one really nice thing about yourself every day. Do whatever it takes to help develop confidence in yourself. If you do not present (vibrationally) as a victim, someone whom he can yell at and take his frustration out on, then that will cease as well. (This is advanced and though some understand and are able to utilize it instantly it sometimes takes others years to fully utilize.)
Whether or not these things work in the end to bring your current marriage into harmony they will bring you into harmony with a great marriage the next time around. Either way you win by trying these things out. And remember, this is not about how much action you take or how persistent and patient you can be this is energetic and occurs in the mind first. This is about utilizing a Law of the Universe that exists everywhere. This law cannot be escaped and it is more pleasant to flow in harmony with it (by purposing to be happy and grateful for life) rather than to work against it (by living in depression and fear or anger).
The last thing we want to talk about is anger. Your husband is angry. Anger is a good thing because anger/hatred/rage are powerful emotions. We understand how difficult anger is to be around but from your husband’s perspective anger is the strongest emotion he can muster right now. Anger keeps him from succumbing to lesser emotions like depression and despair.
Many people do not use anger as it is intended: as a catalyst to propel themselves to actions that will lead them into better feelings like confident and purposeful. They get stuck in anger and that is where your husband is. If he is willing to make changes in his life so that he feels more powerful (for example, is he worried about something that is fixable?) then he may well be able to shift into happier emotions. If he feels powerless to change his life then he will not be able to move from anger into positive emotions. Again, this is not because he is a bad person, it is because very powerful Laws exist and one cannot escape them. One must work with them and he simply doesn’t know how.
Received October 23, 2013 at Lake Goodwin, Washington USA