My Wife Doesn’t Like Me

Question from Cheryl secondary to several searches from women who don’t like their husbands.

Question: Higgins, if a wife doesn’t like their husband yet the husband still wants to be in the marriage what can he do to make a happier situation?

Higgins: We are pleased that you’ve asked this question. Read this response slowly as some sentences are complex and the ideas and understandings they convey important.

There are no victims. That means both the husband and the wife played a part in getting into this difficult and unhappy place. One of the wonderful things about creating physical life though is that only oneself need change to change one’s situation.

A husband who continually tries to appease his wife to make her happy shall fail. She creates her own happiness as does he. Therefore, this situation is best remedied with thought. Very little action is actually required to solve this uncomfortable home situation. In fact, as a husband in this kind of relationship will discover, no matter what he does she is not satisfied.

The best solution is to spend a brief moment envisioning a household of harmony every time the unhappy wife does whatever it is she does that makes the husband feel unliked.

Let’s say once again she’s harping because he didn’t _____________ (fill in the blank with any of a zillion  offences). The husband wishing to draw a harmonious life situation towards him must now respond by envisioning a more pleasant encounter. This takes a little practice because of course the initial response will be to tense up in a self protective way to ward off the onslaught of negative energy the wife is throwing at him.

Note that there are many options for a more harmonious life experience. The husband could envision himself fishing with buddies with no wife around and though if he resonates well with this scenario he will indeed draw it to him readers should note that in this scenario the wife is missing and what he is wanting is a more harmonious life with the wife he still loves.

A very good option to help get started is to remember that this game of physical life is a complex and challenging game. Not one of you, male or female, is bad or somehow faulty in any way. You are each wonderful beings so any negative behavior is simply a reflection of a physical being who has become out of balance with their true beauty. (Think of a washing machine that gets unbalanced and whacks around in the spin cycle.)

The importance of understanding that each of you is a beautiful being both inside and out but that each of you sometimes gets out of alignment with the expression of that beauty is that the compassion this understanding fosters helps the husband relax around his wife, regardless of her behavior. Then the relaxed energy that he now exudes will draw a more relaxed energetic offering from her. Thus in this way harmony will return to the relationship.

After the husband is able to relax and restore some harmony to the relationship the next step is to begin acknowledging the things he truly likes and admires about his wife. This will draw more of that positive behavior from her and, importantly, these positive thoughts will nurture positive emotions toward one another. (Meaning you’ll begin to like each other again.)

Received June 19, 2012 at Lake Goodwin, Washington

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