Marriages That Just Exist

Question: Higgins, will you speak about marriages that just exist? You know, where there seems to be no love left but the couple stays together anyway?


When two come together in marriage there is initially a drawing together. In that initial stage of attraction each of you sees in the other positive qualities and focuses so intently upon the things you like about that person that more of those positive behaviors are exhibited. Further, in that initial stage there is a mutual flow of energy back and forth so that each feels stronger than before two came together.

As time passes two things occur: negative behaviors surface that were not noticed before and one person invariably draws more energy than the other leaving the one drawn from energetically exhausted and resentful yet unaware as to why.

Once one or both of you begin to focus upon negative behaviors then those things are exhibited more frequently.

All relationships can suffer from these two phenomenon, not just marriages.

When two become discontent in this way the closeness leaves and should the two choose to stay in the marriage then that feeling of simply existing may arise. Should you find yourself in this situation there is rather a simple fix. Improvement can occur if only one person focuses upon change although if both participate then it is often easier to make positive change.

First, learn to keep your energy balanced. Physical animation stems primarily from your broader, eternal self. Direct your energy to flow from head to toe, grounding in the Earth. While this is a simplistic view of energy flow it works well to promote understanding. When a person’s energy flows from Source then no other person will be drained by their presence.

Second, choose a marriage that is fulfilling and satisfying. By ‘choose’ we mean to make the decision that a fulfilling and satisfying marriage is for you. This kind of mental leaning is an indicator to the Universe and is very powerful in the creative process.

Relax in your marriage the way it is, with all its warts and difficulties, while continually leaning towards this outcome. Impulses and intuition will lead you towards thought, word and action that will lay a foundation for a fulfilling and satisfying marriage.

Received September 13, 2012 at Lake Goodwin, Washington

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