Question:     Hello Higgins, On this spiritual path, I have learned from many teachers that our thoughts become our reality.  We manifest our lives.  Well (my friend’s) first husband was the love of her life and they had a great relationship and then he died early and she was devastated.  She had no thought of him dying.  She is confused by what kind of lesson she was supposed to learn from this experience.  She loved her life with him.  So???  This is confusing.  She never desired to manifest him dying and leaving her alone.

Higgins:     Friend, this is an important question.

Your friend is confusing her life with his life. Her life is her life and his life is his life. She does not create his life and never did.

Remember that each of you creates your own life and none other. Therefore, what she is wishing is that she had somehow created his life differently and that is impossible. It defies Universal Law.

Her job now is to remember what she loved about being married to him. What were his fine qualities? What did she like about their interactions? What did she like about marriage itself? Consider how nice it is to be completely comfortable with another human being. Consider all the positive qualities of the relationship.

Remembering all the good things of the marriage will surely bring the tears. This is good for it is good to grieve. Allowing emotions to flow will help get them out. Stuck energy blocks the very happiness she seeks.

While she considers all the good things about her marriage she is doing two things: she is helping herself to grieve fully and she is shaping her new life. This is important constructive time. When the storm of emotion passes and she is ready to consider building anew, the groundwork will be set for a new life with all the wonderful qualities of the old.

Remind her that grieving fully is paramount in placing a solid foundation for this next segment of her life.

We will add that you physicals come forth from the eternal holding a much broader view of life than you can see or grasp from the physical perspective. Often two or more beings agree before birth on some scenario that will provide growth for each of them and the two of them could have had a pre-agreement for him to depart early. However, it is more likely that the two of them developed an agreement in dream time through the years of their marriage. The development of agreements goes something like this:

Let’s say she has an easy time keeping centered in herself (and therefore happy) as long as her husband is around. In fact, she is dependant on his energy for her own stability and happiness. They could have developed a dream-time plan that he would depart early leaving her to learn to stabilize on her own.

This sort of mutual creation of life while life is in play is actually quite common. Think of it as actors in a play who improvise in the middle of a scene.

Friends, all is well. All is truly well. Grieve. Grieve fully. When the storm passes growth will resume.

Received October 31, 2012 at Lake Goodwin, Washington