Original Question: I have a friend in a nursing home and has had many strokes and a brain stem stroke and I believe she’s afraid of letting go is there anything I can do to help her?
Higgins asked whether the friend is conscious in order to complete the response.
Questioner gives this information. I have condensed two paragraphs into one for brevity and clarity: My friend is conscious and is able to do many things. She is remarkable and the Dr’s along with me are amazed at how with it she is. (…) she is unable to walk. She still is able to talk but she is starting to get very ornery. She is calling and reaching out to friends to speak to them where she didn’t call them before. I feel she is afraid to pass, like she is afraid of what is ahead of her. She is a spiritualist and should understand but is afraid. I have tried to talk with her but she changes the subject (before we even get started) and I feel helpless.
Higgins: The body sometimes wears out before the mind and that is the case here. The mind is powerful, far more powerful than most of you are aware. By virtue of this power she is managing to maintain herself in the physical realm enough that you and the doctors feel she is quite with it still. The overall trend, however, is that she is passing. When one passes, friends and family that have passed before begin to gather to assist in the transition process. It is quite normal for those in this transition process to see their loved ones gathered and to try to speak to them. While it may feel awkward to you, it is best to relax and allow her this interaction. It helps draw the soul out of the body.
The soul, at birth, entrenches itself in the body. Souls that do not bond tightly with the body tend to slip away easily….think Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). A tight bond tends to make leaving the body when it is time to go a little harder. Those who form this sort of tight bond do so to enhance the probability they will achieve the goals of their life experience but it does make the end transition a little bumpy…which may be something they desired to experience.
The ornery aspect she is showing really is all about fear and frustration. Although being the recipient of discourtesy never feels good, if you can remember that fear is a very low vibration and ornery much higher, you may be able to tolerate this better. Her orneriness is simply a coping mechanism.
You state she is a spiritualist and should understand and perhaps on some level she does. Understanding the process does not necessarily mean it will be easy. For example, you may understand completely the mechanics of throwing a basketball into a hoop but actually doing it is different and takes practice.
The fact that she will not talk about it is also quite normal given her fear. None of you want to talk about things that make you feel bad. You are hardwired to try to feel good. What she needs from you is comforting talk that takes her mind off the death process. Make a little tea party in her room, complete with pretty cups, tablecloth and special napkins, find something benign to talk about and make some fun in this turbulent time. What she needs most is to feel normal so make lots of small, achievable celebrations. Death is natural and will come when it is ready….just as a baby comes when it is good and ready…remember that this is a reverse BIRTH not a death. The only thing that dies is the body.
We also remind you that all interactions are two way. Her death process is for her and it is also for you. What are you learning? Are you taking this process as opportunity to master skills at uplifting others while allowing others to be and do as they choose even when you don’t want them to choose what they choose?
When you relax about where she is in life she will relax. She will love having you around and isn’t that what you want? for people to feel comfortable in your presence?
Blessings upon you both, Friend.
Received March 19, 2015