Compassion in Marriage (Part 2): How Do I Love Him When I Don’t Like Being Around Him?

Note from Cheryl: Higgins is responding to this involved question segmentally. I have bolded the aspect of the question that they are responding to today.

Question: I read your channel on compassion and it was just what I needed to hear today.

I have a question for Higgins related to that channel. I’ve been trying to really take a look at how I view the world and watch the words that leave my mouth, understanding, as you have said, that these things shape my experiences. Well, the more I step back and look at myself, the more I see how my family has become used to being negative, and that negative outlook has skewed their vision. At first I thought it was just my husband as the source of the negativity, but now I see him as mirror to myself, and we both reflect to our children.

So now that I have stepped back and have taken a look at my own habits and have begun to change them, I find it a challenge to be in my husband’s company. He has the outlook that he is not appreciated, that he works too hard for no reward, and he doesn’t have a vision for his future. He always seems to have a reason why something can’t be done. I hear these words leave his mouth daily and when I try to explain to him that we shape our reality, he doesn’t hear it, and I think he doesn’t want to. I think he wants to hold onto being a victim, and I am not in that place anymore. The more I pull away from my husband (because I don’t know what else to do), the more sullen and angry he becomes, blaming me for his loneliness and unhappiness. I intend for my children to see the truth and live in a place of compassion. With their father as an example of the opposite, I’m not sure what to do.

So my question is, how do I maintain my viewpoint of compassion, achieve my dreams, and be a good example for my children, while living with a man who does not want the same? How do I love him when I don’t like being around him?

Higgins: Love is a much misunderstood emotion. Love is not something you give and receive: love is something you are. You are a being of love and light and blessed wonder. When you radiate emotion in alignment with the Truth of Who You Are then love is an emotion you radiate. Love is something you feel and emit when you are in aligment with you. When others behave in a way that is pleasing to you it is easy for you to radiate love, appreciation and other nice feeling emotions. When others behave in ways that are not pleasing it is often more difficult to continue radiating those same nice feeling emotions.

What we want you to understand is anytime you have unpleasant emotions arise it is because in some way your current situation has pulled you off balance such that you yourself are no longer in alignment with your Truth.

Development of compassion is helpful in re-establishing balance in that emotional frequency that you call love.

We will address this in our next writing.

Friend, asker of this extraordinarily fine series of questions, read these answers slowly. Allow them to simmer within you until understanding blossoms.

Received April 17, 2012 at Everett, Washington

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