Question: On the topic of ‘Victims’. I invariably make people angry when I hold the philosophy that there are no victims and that to look at someone or ourselves as if they/we are is dis-empowering. Also when I feel someone playing the part of a victim or sympathizing with someone as if they are a victim it can raise my ire.
So my question is also related to compassion. Compassion as I see it…is not feeling sorry for someone, but is more useful as an empowering practice. For example; recently I had someone living with me who was really playing into the role of a victim, thinking they could shirk responsibilities and consideration because of their “special’ problems or circumstances. I responded in a way that was not ‘feeling sorry’ or could have been looked at as being insensitive, by bringing up their responsibilities and lack of consideration. I felt as though I was being compassionate (even as I was angry with them for their wanting to be a victim) by not treating them ‘special’ as if they had a problem or were a victim.
They did not get it and I just looked and sort of felt like a bully (at first). But does that make sense what I am saying.
what are your thoughts on that.. Showing compassion and empowering victims….
Higgins: We find it understandable that a person would feel angry at first, upon hearing a new idea that shakes and shatters long-held belief. Your society spends a good deal of time and energy finding victims and victimizers and glorifying them on television, in books and in the news. Virtually all of you with access to these sources has some level of belief that there are those who are somehow bad, or at least do bad things, to undeserving others.
When a person first becomes aware of thoughts or beliefs not their own these new ideas can often feel scary. We remind the reader that fear is a very low vibration and the program humans operate within is to always move toward the higher vibration. Whether consciously or unconsciously all of you do this. In this situation, anger is the higher vibration.
This being so, we suggest that the asker of this question learn to applaud the recipient in their unconscious effort to feel better. Moving towards feeling better is the most important thing any of you ever do. Let them go ahead and be mad. The asker would remain stable, centered in their own flow of energy. Allow the storm to blow past. Then proceed with compassion.
(From post April 7, 2012–Compassion is an emotion in the vibrational range of love and deep appreciation and encompasses the emotion of deep understanding. Develop compassion by directing your thoughts towards gentle understanding and acceptance of the world around you.)
We acknowledge that sometimes proceeding with compassion doesn’t work and firing back in anger does work. We do not encourage this. However, like vibrations attract like vibrations and a person who is feeling the part of victim may not be able to meet compassion but could meet anger. Then, from anger a mutual understanding could occur.
The most important understanding we wish you to take away from this response is an individual is always best moving towards what feels better. To sink to ire and anger is negatively impactful to the asker of this question. In the above situation the disrespect and lack of consideration on the part of the ‘victim’ should never lead the other into mis-creating. Hold steady in compassion. Gently yet firmly state your story. The other must conform or move out of the house but the asker must remain steady. The asker may not allow the disrespect and lack of consideration to continue because those two things do not synch with his stable and unremitting emission of compassion and caring.
In this way, the asker can show compassion–be compassion–and yet not empower the other in their ‘victim’ mode while empowering them towards their wholeness.
Received December 21, 2013 at Lake Goodwin, Washington USA