Question: Dear Higgins, this is very difficult to write but I am seeking your guidance as I feel that I shattered my soul several years ago, and there is little left in me. You see, several years ago, I had an abortion. There was no reason for it. I did not want to do it and yet I did it anyway. I was weak and I see it as an act of violence I committed on myself and my child. I have been to counseling which does not help (it was not the best decision to make at the time…which is what they all say.)
So laying out before me, I see a map of my life with all the decisions I made or could have made. I understand that every choice in life is both a beginning and an ending. I am at peace with my life decisions…except this one. This abortion was more than a mistake, it was a life-failure. I see on the map the way my life could have gone. I have come to realize there is no one to blame but myself. I have denied my parents a grandchild, denied my husband a child, and denied my husband’s children a sibling.
I have broken my own heart and shattered my own soul. There isn’t much left of me.
I then went on to get pregnant and have a baby. I thought this would help. Although I love my child with all that I have, I don’t really have much anymore. The grief has gotten worse since my child was born. I see the gravity of what I have done by having an abortion. I know this is not the spirit of the aborted child returned to me. I wake up with a knot in my stomach every morning. My body still shakes from time to time. I cry every day. I pray. I meditate. I try to connect to the spirit of that child. I have found no relief.
In order to maintain my mind and continue working, I’m afraid I may have to take medication which will turn me into a zombie and I will just go through the motions… but the pain will be less.
I know you say some spirits do not want to be born. Then why couldn’t there have been a miscarriage instead? Do any more spirits want to be my children in this lifetime? Will that soul return to me as a child?
Your advice is greatly appreciated.
Higgins: Life is wonderfully delicious in its complexity and variety, yes?
During sleep there is a light sleep time, a deep sleep time and dream time. Everyone, including you, use a portion of deep sleep to enter a different level of consciousness. The state of being awake is one form of consciousness. Deep sleep consciousness is different. During this deep sleep time your consciousness interacts with the consciousness of others, both physical and non-physical. You meet up with key players in this life and in your next. In this case your parents, your husband, your children and the unborn child and any others who may have been involved. You all made a plan and had an agreement about this soul that you would eventually choose to abort.
Clearly, this is unbeknownst to you or your family members in waking consciousness.
Humans do this because life is a growth experience. You wanted the growth and were ready for this on all levels. The unborn soul also knew what it was doing. It did you a great favor and aches for your happiness. Unlike you, it is able to stay centered in its eternal knowing that all is well, so the child/soul is not falling apart or angry and wishing it had been born.
We encourage you to thank this little soul for the sacrifice it made for your spiritual growth. Love this little soul with all your heart, as we encourage you to love each member of your family and every person you encounter. Always. Embrace whatever the teaching is for you. We think it is love. If you can come to the understanding that this is an opportunity for you to discover your eternal truth you will be able to find your happiness in this.
What we mean by find your happiness: Each person has an aspect of self to share. The sharing of this brings fulfilment and a sense of eager anticipation to each day. When you then begin to share this aspect of your self with gusto you find happiness in being.
Allow yourself to grieve whenever you need to. Allow yourself to feel shame if that is what you feel. And most importantly allow yourself to feel the intense love you feel for that child. And when you are ready (and we feel you are ready now) begin to look around for that important intersection between the world’s great hunger and your heart’s desire. How can you use that great love to make a difference in the world? Look there. We think that is where you will find your happiness.
As for your husband, parents and other children…when you are ready, explain your actions to them. Make a heartfelt and sincere and most importantly, a truthful apology. Dig to the truth and lay it out for them. You have learned something and you have the opportunity to grow from this. They also have an opportunity and perhaps you can show them the way. Not tell them the way. Show them how beautiful this opportunity is and help all of you grow into the people you want to be because of the beautiful gift this little soul gave you rather than in spite of it.
Will other souls want to be born to you? Of course. Will that special little soul? We think not. Our sense is that you will meet that little child in the future as someone else’s little child.
Blessings Friend, on this Great Adventure.
Received March 26, 2018