Question: I have been reading the information presented on not being a victim. I feel as though I have allowed myself to be victimized since I was a child. I did everything my parents wanted and I allowed myself to bullied as my parents taught me just to take it. Of course I ended up in abusive relationships. Later, in a stressful situation, I had an abortion rather than stand up for myself and head out to be a single mom. I feel that this was a test- a test where I was supposed to finally stand up for myself. Instead I killed my baby. It was my chance to make my life good. I didn’t do it and I suffer everyday. I have a baby now and feel terrible grief knowing that I can never cuddle the child I aborted. But apparently I am not a victim. I was always so trusting and assuming that if I did everything right, that my loved ones would cut me some slack. Can you tell me why I would make so many terrible choices and allow myself to be overpowered by everyone in my life?
Higgins: Each person chooses a life experience that will help them grow spiritually. Family members are especially important in helping us with that. Sometimes they help us negatively. A victim looks at life and says, “Why was this done to me?” A person who is not a victim says, “Why was this done for me?”
When you are little, those around you with the stronger emotional set point (unknowingly and unconsciously) will find a way to ‘force’ you to align vibrationally with them. If your parents bullied you into doing their will, all they were doing is getting you vibrationally into some kind of alignment with them. Remember, adults have been on the planet long enough to develop a negative baseline emotion. Babies and little children have not. Babies and children, in all their newness are still happy and filled with wonder. Negative and positive emotions clash. You never did anything to ‘deserve’ mistreatment. Your parents and you simply responded to the attractive laws of the universe.
Now that you are an adult, your goal is to get into synch with the happy child self. The self that existed before emotional manipulation began. Sometimes, a person will continue to unconsciously put themselves into situations that maintain the abusive status quo because of that powerful, powerful requirement of the universe — like attracts like.
What you must do is clean up your emotional vibration. You don’t need to become the happiest person in the world today. In fact, you can’t. The laws of the universe can’t be applied that rapidly in the Earth realm. What you can do is carefully select your thoughts. Always choose the thought that is slightly better than the others. This will be enough to start shifting your emotional set point immediately. A little at a time is all anyone can do so this is the starting point.
In the meanwhile, stop beating yourself up. You followed the very, very powerful laws of the universe when you aborted this baby. Following those laws is the only thing any of you can do. It is impossible to exist outside those laws. You are expecting yourself to have done something that could not be done.
When you stop beating up on yourself, when you treat yourself with love and compassion, those around you will also. Any other option defies universal law.
It is important to note that you can never do enough to satisfy another and it is not your job to do so. Quit trying to do everything ‘right’. It won’t work to earn the love, respect and compassion of others because love, respect and compassion are not earned. They are ‘purchased’ using the Law of Economics. Love, respect and compassion are who you are. When you represent these aspects of yourself clearly (Law of Economics), then others reflect (like a mirror) your love, respect and compassion (Law of Attraction).
(Note to Cheryl: This is the first post from Higgins as Higgins Part 2)