Another Angel?

This is another current journal entry relative to Higgins’ (hopefully) imminent overt return:

March 31, 2021

I awakend (that is to say Tucker, my dog, repeatedly threw his body at the bed and panted really hard long enough to awaken me) at about 11:30 PM. I still wasn’t back to sleep by 12:30 so I got up and did 1/2 hour of stretching to a DVD, then meditated until I was sleepy. It was very effective for putting me back to sleep.

During the meditation a very nice, friendly, cozy energy sat down in me. It felt a lot like when I was a working student for Melle van Brugen and got a horse warmed up for him before he got on. This pressure settled in first, then The Angel came. Only I soon realized it wasn’t The Angel. I asked who it was because she felt so much the same.

I was only able to determine that ‘she’ is going to help me with radioactivity. I specifically asked about radioactive nuclear waste, but clearly that is incomplete. It is radioactivity in general.

***

An aside about the stretching DVD: If you haven’t been introduced to Miranda Esmonde-White’s Essentrics it is definitely a thing to know about. It is a stretching program that I have found to be extremely helpful and strangely pleasant. I purchased the 4 disc set that includes Posture, Pain Free, Mobility and Bone Strengthening. I just can’t say enough nice things about this gentle stretching program. Higgins has said many times to come to meditations ‘gently exercised’ and each of these 30 minute stretching routines produces that gently exercised feeling that they have talked about so many times.

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An Oddity

As you all know, I have been posting from my old journals on the things that happened to me just prior to Higgins’ arrival. However, I have not forgotten that I promised to share when anything of interest happened currently, as we await their overt return.

My journal dated Monday, March 29, 2021:

I’m meditating before bed and 15 minutes turns to 50. They did something a little unusual tonight so I write it down.

First oddity, they breathed me out. And didn’t breath back in. I wanted air, to breathe in, but each time they shook my head no. They did this several times allowing my need for oxygen to become quite intense each time before allowing me to breathe. Once or possibly twice I’m sure I breathed before they wanted me to. It seemed they were measuring something, perhaps how long I could go without oxygen? In a sort of way it seemed they were testing how much time they had. But for what?

Then they lifted my arms and circled them out, up, towards my heart and down. In the down motion both hands overlap but they are careful that right is over left each time. They repeated this several times then ‘collected’ that energy between my hands and gently pressed it into my heart. (For personal healing it seemed.) (Healing, good health? It seemed specifically aimed at a healthy heart.)

Then they did the same thing and ‘collected’ an atom of something radioactive. It is, of course, impossible to know whether this is true–or whether any of it is true for that matter–but I’ll assume it is.

They pressed this one atom of radioactive material into my heart which I was to receive with compassion and love.

Then Higgins ‘talked’ to the particle on behalf of all radioactive nuclear waste (RNW). The conversation revealed that RNW would like not to be shunned. It wants to be a helpful contributing member of the planet and so we are awaiting the RNW to ‘tell’ us what it would like to do next. Then, presumably, we will ‘help’ it to become whatever it desires.

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New Year’s Eve 2004

This is a tiny portion of my entry from December 31, 2004. The entire entry is long and pretty weird but not weird in an interesting way.

“According to the horoscope I read in the Aquarius for 2005 book I saw in downtown Seattle I am going to experience a life transformation in 2005.

“I have just smudged my house in preparation for this. I am excited to greet whatever it is. I hope it’s good.”

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Letters into Words

December 17, 2004 I wrote:

I woke up this morning and almost immediately had another of those ‘letters into words’ visions. The letters were scrambled and flying by and I was trying to decide whether they were yellow or white (I couldn’t). The letters didn’t stop right in front of my eyes to form words this time, but as they floated around I had more an impression of names. Three names I could get a clear sense of: William, Bill, Marti. End of Vision.

Later-Bedtime

Went to Seattle and spent the day with (my cousin). Enjoyed myself. Before I left I called Mom and told her to call Uncle Bill. While I was with (my cousin) I learned that Uncle Bill had experienced another small stroke this past week.

(Note that Bill and William are the same person, my uncle. Marti is his wife. They are now both deceased.)

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Depression and Anxiety

One of the things I remember experiencing while awakening to Higgins was depression and anxiety. Eventually, one of the co-leaders of Sacred Circle said something that made sense. They said, “These awakenings are not just an entry in a new way of being. They are also a death to the old way of being. Maybe it is better viewed as birth, but either way, something is happening to us that we sense but don’t understand. Our society does not have words for it, or even a concept of it, and that leads to this fear and feeling alone. Had we a better way of receiving these awakenings, they would be a source of happiness and joy.” This person then likened spiritual awakenings to life transitions. Notably puberty brings changes that can be overwhelming even though we all know that puberty is an important step in becoming our full selves.

From December 29, 2004:

Yesterday and again this morning I feel very depressed. I thought I was okay with these visions and things-even excited about it-but since I can’t talk to anyone about it (Mom being the exception) I feel far away from people.

I seem to want to spend most of my time with my eyes closed. I’m certain that if I look in just the right manner, like the way one looks at a 3-D picture, I’ll see another plain.

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MONK’S ANSWER

This post is my journal entry from December 10, 2004:

I awakened this morning and while my eyes were still closed, letters start swirling past my eyes. They are rushing past and pretty soon “MONK’S” stay up right in front of my eyes as clear as a bell, while all these letters are cruising towards me on the periphery. Then “ANSWER” flashes. Then all these words shoot past. I can’t read any of them. They rush past and then it’s blurry and I open my eyes.

What is “MONK’S ANSWER”? (It seems to me the letters were yellow on a black background.)

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Praying for a Power Totem

This is my entry for December 5, 2004:

This morning I awoke and lay in bed with my eyes closed. As I lay still, a green eye came clearly into view. It startled me. A nose came with it and appeared to be wolf. (Not a wolf, the essence of wolf.) Last night, I prayed again for my power totem to appear. I thought, “Oh darn. It’s wolf.” I wanted a leopard but wolf is good.

(Note: Can you imagine my rudeness? Wolf was far too common. I wanted a leopard because of their stunning coat.)

Wolf looked around inside me, not judging, just looking at what was there. He left. By that time I decided wolf was a good totem so I said, “Welcome.” (Like you get to choose… I laugh at myself now.)

A few moments later eyes came to me one after another. I can’t remember them all and I had to guess what animal they were because most just showed their eye. Owl showed an entire head. After owl I thought bald eagle would stop but it was just an impression. No eagle. Same with bear–just an impression that bear was coming by but didn’t come in. It was as though they were on they other side of a veil.

I saw a set of eyes above water that I thought was frog. Later, I saw frog in entire profile. A whale, I don’t know what variety, rolled over so his eye peered out of the water at me. A domestic cat appeared and its face morphed into a wild cat then back to domestic and then to wild. I saw the domestic cat’s full face but just the eye of the wild cat so I don’t know what kind of cat it was. There were other animals, I think, but I can’t remember them.

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A Shamanic Journey

When Higgins came to me, I was attending First Congregational United Church of Christ in Everett. We were a very open an inquiring group, for the most part. Our pastor invited a couple, David Thomson and Mattie Davis-Wolfe, to lead a group called Sacred Circles. At that time, I was part of the Education committee. In fact, I was the education committee since no one else was on the committee at that time. I didn’t have any idea what Sacred Circles was about so I decided to attend a meeting to discover what Sacred Circles was all about. I ended up meeting with that group for five years and credit them with helping me meet Higgins. If it was not for their teaching, I may never have relaxed enough to allow anything so far outside my ideas of normal to occur.

Sacred Circles met every Wednesday evening. One of the things we learned to do is ‘journey’. Shamansim.com defines journeying as a┬ávisionary experience, in which one is able to achieve an altered state of consciousness or trance.

This is what I wrote on November 13, 2004:

Thursday night I tried to “journey” on my own. I was in bed and tucked my medicine blanket in on one side and Bailey (my cat) on the other. Then, because I don’t have sage to smudge and I’m afraid to call in the directions, I prayed for God to keep me safe on my journey. I was trying to find out why I fill my time up so fully the way I do.

Anyway, I was able to watch a place in my mind’s eye start to work as a kaleidoscope. It got more and more fantastic and then exploded into the night sky. I felt myself at the opening, looking into the black sky dotted with stars and realized I had gone up into the sky, rather than into the earth. I hesitated, a little afraid, and could not get out into the sky.

I came back carefully, I tried again and virtually the same thing happened. I was lying on my back during this. So I rolled over and tried again. This time the kaleidoscope started but changed into a ladies ruby necklace. It was formed like lace and became more and more intricate as I watched. Eventually, the rubies turned black. Then the necklace morphed into black iron railing surrounding a stone staircase. The staircase circled down to the left. I admired the stonework and realized this time I was going down. But the stairs got darker and darker and I was afraid. As I hesitated the stairs became a chute and I couldn’t figure out how to get on it. Then it shrank up, lickety-split, until the chute was so narrow I couldn’t get into it anyway.

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Age of Aquarius

This next post is dated November 8, 2004. This is the morning after my ‘heavy’ experience.

“I awoke in the middle of the night and my mind was playing, ‘This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, Age of Aquarius, Aquarius!'”

If you’ll remember, this is a song by The Fifth Dimension.

As you know, it is considered to be true by many that we are transitioning from the Age of Pisces into the Age of Aquarius. Wikipedia reminds us that an astrological age is a product of the earth’s slow precessional rotation and lasts for 2,160 years on average..

Some believe that the Age of Pisces reflected religion and spirituality and heralded the arrival of Jesus, and that the Age of Aquarius moves us into an age of peace and harmony.

A definition from selfgrowth.com states: The destiny of humanity in the Age of Aquarius is the revelation of truth and the expansion of consciousness.

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Interest Level

There has been a lovely response to my plan to share on my experiences prior to Higgins’ arrival. My original plan was to post weekly, but in response to the interest level I’m going to post twice weekly, on Wednesdays and Sundays. Many of the entries are quite short and I think you all would get a better idea of the tempo if I posted more frequently, similar to the way I experienced it.

Let’s test out this twice weekly thing and see how it goes.

Thank you for joining me on this remembrance, and for forgiving what is often poor grammar and poor sentence structure. These remembrances are, after all, from my journal that I often jotted down very quickly before bed. (And certainly never expected to let anyone else read!)

Cheryl Jensen, March 8, 2021

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