Letters into Words

December 17, 2004 I wrote:

I woke up this morning and almost immediately had another of those ‘letters into words’ visions. The letters were scrambled and flying by and I was trying to decide whether they were yellow or white (I couldn’t). The letters didn’t stop right in front of my eyes to form words this time, but as they floated around I had more an impression of names. Three names I could get a clear sense of: William, Bill, Marti. End of Vision.


Went to Seattle and spent the day with (my cousin). Enjoyed myself. Before I left I called Mom and told her to call Uncle Bill. While I was with (my cousin) I learned that Uncle Bill had experienced another small stroke this past week.

(Note that Bill and William are the same person, my uncle. Marti is his wife. They are now both deceased.)

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Depression and Anxiety

One of the things I remember experiencing while awakening to Higgins was depression and anxiety. Eventually, one of the co-leaders of Sacred Circle said something that made sense. They said, “These awakenings are not just an entry in a new way of being. They are also a death to the old way of being. Maybe it is better viewed as birth, but either way, something is happening to us that we sense but don’t understand. Our society does not have words for it, or even a concept of it, and that leads to this fear and feeling alone. Had we a better way of receiving these awakenings, they would be a source of happiness and joy.” This person then likened spiritual awakenings to life transitions. Notably puberty brings changes that can be overwhelming even though we all know that puberty is an important step in becoming our full selves.

From December 29, 2004:

Yesterday and again this morning I feel very depressed. I thought I was okay with these visions and things-even excited about it-but since I can’t talk to anyone about it (Mom being the exception) I feel far away from people.

I seem to want to spend most of my time with my eyes closed. I’m certain that if I look in just the right manner, like the way one looks at a 3-D picture, I’ll see another plain.

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This post is my journal entry from December 10, 2004:

I awakened this morning and while my eyes were still closed, letters start swirling past my eyes. They are rushing past and pretty soon “MONK’S” stay up right in front of my eyes as clear as a bell, while all these letters are cruising towards me on the periphery. Then “ANSWER” flashes. Then all these words shoot past. I can’t read any of them. They rush past and then it’s blurry and I open my eyes.

What is “MONK’S ANSWER”? (It seems to me the letters were yellow on a black background.)

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Praying for a Power Totem

This is my entry for December 5, 2004:

This morning I awoke and lay in bed with my eyes closed. As I lay still, a green eye came clearly into view. It startled me. A nose came with it and appeared to be wolf. (Not a wolf, the essence of wolf.) Last night, I prayed again for my power totem to appear. I thought, “Oh darn. It’s wolf.” I wanted a leopard but wolf is good.

(Note: Can you imagine my rudeness? Wolf was far too common. I wanted a leopard because of their stunning coat.)

Wolf looked around inside me, not judging, just looking at what was there. He left. By that time I decided wolf was a good totem so I said, “Welcome.” (Like you get to choose… I laugh at myself now.)

A few moments later eyes came to me one after another. I can’t remember them all and I had to guess what animal they were because most just showed their eye. Owl showed an entire head. After owl I thought bald eagle would stop but it was just an impression. No eagle. Same with bear–just an impression that bear was coming by but didn’t come in. It was as though they were on they other side of a veil.

I saw a set of eyes above water that I thought was frog. Later, I saw frog in entire profile. A whale, I don’t know what variety, rolled over so his eye peered out of the water at me. A domestic cat appeared and its face morphed into a wild cat then back to domestic and then to wild. I saw the domestic cat’s full face but just the eye of the wild cat so I don’t know what kind of cat it was. There were other animals, I think, but I can’t remember them.

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A Shamanic Journey

When Higgins came to me, I was attending First Congregational United Church of Christ in Everett. We were a very open an inquiring group, for the most part. Our pastor invited a couple, David Thomson and Mattie Davis-Wolfe, to lead a group called Sacred Circles. At that time, I was part of the Education committee. In fact, I was the education committee since no one else was on the committee at that time. I didn’t have any idea what Sacred Circles was about so I decided to attend a meeting to discover what Sacred Circles was all about. I ended up meeting with that group for five years and credit them with helping me meet Higgins. If it was not for their teaching, I may never have relaxed enough to allow anything so far outside my ideas of normal to occur.

Sacred Circles met every Wednesday evening. One of the things we learned to do is ‘journey’. Shamansim.com defines journeying as a┬ávisionary experience, in which one is able to achieve an altered state of consciousness or trance.

This is what I wrote on November 13, 2004:

Thursday night I tried to “journey” on my own. I was in bed and tucked my medicine blanket in on one side and Bailey (my cat) on the other. Then, because I don’t have sage to smudge and I’m afraid to call in the directions, I prayed for God to keep me safe on my journey. I was trying to find out why I fill my time up so fully the way I do.

Anyway, I was able to watch a place in my mind’s eye start to work as a kaleidoscope. It got more and more fantastic and then exploded into the night sky. I felt myself at the opening, looking into the black sky dotted with stars and realized I had gone up into the sky, rather than into the earth. I hesitated, a little afraid, and could not get out into the sky.

I came back carefully, I tried again and virtually the same thing happened. I was lying on my back during this. So I rolled over and tried again. This time the kaleidoscope started but changed into a ladies ruby necklace. It was formed like lace and became more and more intricate as I watched. Eventually, the rubies turned black. Then the necklace morphed into black iron railing surrounding a stone staircase. The staircase circled down to the left. I admired the stonework and realized this time I was going down. But the stairs got darker and darker and I was afraid. As I hesitated the stairs became a chute and I couldn’t figure out how to get on it. Then it shrank up, lickety-split, until the chute was so narrow I couldn’t get into it anyway.

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Age of Aquarius

This next post is dated November 8, 2004. This is the morning after my ‘heavy’ experience.

“I awoke in the middle of the night and my mind was playing, ‘This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, Age of Aquarius, Aquarius!'”

If you’ll remember, this is a song by The Fifth Dimension.

As you know, it is considered to be true by many that we are transitioning from the Age of Pisces into the Age of Aquarius. Wikipedia reminds us that an astrological age is a product of the earth’s slow precessional rotation and lasts for 2,160 years on average..

Some believe that the Age of Pisces reflected religion and spirituality and heralded the arrival of Jesus, and that the Age of Aquarius moves us into an age of peace and harmony.

A definition from selfgrowth.com states: The destiny of humanity in the Age of Aquarius is the revelation of truth and the expansion of consciousness.

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Interest Level

There has been a lovely response to my plan to share on my experiences prior to Higgins’ arrival. My original plan was to post weekly, but in response to the interest level I’m going to post twice weekly, on Wednesdays and Sundays. Many of the entries are quite short and I think you all would get a better idea of the tempo if I posted more frequently, similar to the way I experienced it.

Let’s test out this twice weekly thing and see how it goes.

Thank you for joining me on this remembrance, and for forgiving what is often poor grammar and poor sentence structure. These remembrances are, after all, from my journal that I often jotted down very quickly before bed. (And certainly never expected to let anyone else read!)

Cheryl Jensen, March 8, 2021

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A Heavy Feeling

Considering how long ago it’s been since Higgins first came to me, it is a tad difficult to decide exactly where to start chronicling our history. If I wait to find the exact right place to start I may never start, so I’m choosing to start with this entry from November 7, 2004, because I remember how dramatic the feeling was.

“A couple of days ago I was sitting at the dining room table. I was thinking that I felt very comfortable with myself. As I sat there I began to notice feeling heavy. And heavier and heavier until I felt the need to lie down on the floor to avoid the weight. I didn’t, because I felt too foolish.

Anyway, I was feeling quite comfortable with myself and feeling very grounded when I began to feel so heavy! I felt heavy as though gravity would pull me right through my chair, through the floor.”

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History of Higgins

I’m a little surprised to discover that people are actually interested in how Higgins came to be with me. Since our daily meditations are routine and unexciting I thought I would share something of our history. I have kept journals for years and have located them, all except the one in which they actually arrived….how could I mislay that one? Nevertheless, I’m reading up on my last twenty years to find the right place to start.

They came in 2005. March probably. Back then I worked evening shift and arrived home about 11:45 or midnight. My habit was to meditate for a bit before going to bed and once they arrived those meditations became surreal. But looking back, there was a prelude, a period of time before their arrival when many strange things happened. I will start there.

I invite you to join me in remembering the early days of Higgins.


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Meditation January 26, 2021

Higgins visited me yesterday morning and asked once again for me to begin meditation for fifteen minutes every day. Actually, they asked a few things:

  1. meditate 15 minutes every day
  2. write 15 minutes every day
  3. continue my current exercise regimen
  4. continue my current diet (of no food additives)
  5. and to do something every day towards making my life and surroundings exactly as I would have them be

This morning I did my fifteen minutes of meditation and they moved my head around a bit. I’ve no idea whether it is important but they did a left right movement first tilting my right ear towards my right shoulder and then left ear towards left shoulder. This moving of my head becomes monotonous and at one point they paused and it was clearly a message to me to wait for them to move me rather than anticipating that they will move me and moving first.

If you have ever practiced ballroom dance, the gentleman leads and the lady follows. Sometimes, a lady can follow too closely and the lady will move, anticipating what is coming next, before the gentleman’s movement invites her to do so. Apparently, I was following too closely.

They did that for fully fifteen minutes and at the end they didn’t leave. I opened my eyes and waited for them to do something but all they did was stare intently at a spot on the world map on the wall about twenty feet away. When I finally realized that was the message, I noted the location. Once I had noted the location to their satisfaction they moved my eyes to another location and finally to a third. When I had all three firmly fixed in my mind they left.

I walked across the room to the map and noted the locations. The first was between Argentina and Chile, but not on the coast. The closest city is Salta. There is a large area south and west of Salta with no cities indicated on the map. That seemed to be the area they were focused on.

The second area was in the Caribbean around the islands of Grenada and Barbados. Definitely not as far north as Cuba nor as far south as the South American continent.

The third area they focused on was covered by a paper that I had pinned up. Even after lifting the paper and looking closely, the best I could determine was Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq. I don’t think it was as far south as Saudi Arabia, Dubai or Oman.

I have no idea why they focused my eyes so intently on these three areas. When I find out more I will let you know.


January 26, 2021

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