Note: This is part 8 of Higgins’ response to this question. I have re-posted the entire letter for clarity and the part Higgins is responding to today is bolded.
Question: I read your channel on compassion and it was just what I needed to hear today.
I have a question for Higgins related to that channel. I’ve been trying to really take a look at how I view the world and watch the words that leave my mouth, understanding, as you have said, that these things shape my experiences. Well, the more I step back and look at myself, the more I see how my family has become used to being negative, and that negative outlook has skewed their vision. At first I thought it was just my husband as the source of the negativity, but now I see him as mirror to myself, and we both reflect to our children.
So now that I have stepped back and have taken a look at my own habits and have begun to change them, I find it a challenge to be in my husband’s company. He has the outlook that he is not appreciated, that he works too hard for no reward, and he doesn’t have a vision for his future. He always seems to have a reason why something can’t be done. I hear these words leave his mouth daily and when I try to explain to him that we shape our reality, he doesn’t hear it, and I think he doesn’t want to. I think he wants to hold onto being a victim, and I am not in that place anymore. The more I pull away from my husband (because I don’t know what else to do), the more sullen and angry he becomes, blaming me for his loneliness and unhappiness. I intend for my children to see the truth and live in a place of compassion. With their father as an example of the opposite, I’m not sure what to do.
So my question is, how do I maintain my viewpoint of compassion, achieve my dreams, and be a good example for my children, while living with a man who does not want the same? How do I love him when I don’t like being around him?
Higgins: It is natural that you feel this way. In changing your view-point and beliefs and then your words and actions you have shifted your emotional set point and thus the vibration you emit. His emotional set point and thus his vibrational offering have not changed. Therefore what you (and he) experience is some discord because his energetic output no longer matches yours.
You’ll want to note that he becomes sullen and angry in part because you are not behaving energetically the way he has come to expect you to. Meaning, energetically he is not getting something from your relationship that he used to get. He doesn’t understand how he draws the energy that animates him and up until now he has energetically fed off of you rather than drawing upon his own eternal connection. You’ve changed your energetic output and now he is having a harder time getting the energy he needs to feel good.
This is the reason you will sometimes feel drained in this relationship. Any time you feel frustrated, tired or drained simply ask your own source of energy to flow harmoniously through you and you will experience immediate refreshment and re-alignment that will become stronger with practice.
Remember the question we asked you first? We asked whether you wanted your marriage to succeed. We asked that because in order to succeed you will have to be the one to create a bridge for him to cross to access you energetically (as you physicals do in all relationships). Yet for your own sanity you will have to figure out how to create an energetic bridge that flows both ways. All the best co-creative relationships are built on a firm platform of solidity in one’s own energetic flow that then harmonizes with another’s energetic flow.
You will do this by gently and persistently following your heart, all the while looking for reasons to like your husband. On unseen energetic levels this will draw from him his best thus drawing him into closer vibration with the ever evolving new you.
Received May 4, 2012 at Lake Goodwin, Washington
Ask Higg(in)s 