Ask Higg(in)s

I awakened at three in the morning from a dream that ended very successfully for me. I love those kinds of dreams. Since I couldn’t get back to sleep I decided to meditate. They started off with some gentle head movements but soon began shaking my head back and forth. My nose probably only moved a couple of inches to either side of center, so perhaps 4 inches from left to right. At first it was fairly slow and gentle but they began to shake my head very fast from right to left. So fast, in fact, that my skin felt as though it flapped and certainly, my eyeballs seemed to be coming loose.

Fortunately, they couldn’t do that for over long because my muscles became fatigued and the motion slowed down and became choppy of its own accord. Immediately after this shaking of my head, they started in with those belly dancing head slides. My muscles for this are not well developed so the motions were short and slow.

They repeated this sequence multiple times. On the final attempt, they shook my head as my head was leaning off to the left. Then, when they started the head slides I could feel what they were trying to do. It felt as if there is a center where my ego is focused. Maybe that is my soul. Anyway, that ego/soul that does not want to come out of my body slipped, just a little, by staying put when my head slid to the right.

They seemed, if not pleased, at least in recognition that some small progress had been made. At this point they left and I went back to sleep.

I awakened about 5:30 this morning and sat to meditate without setting an alarm so they could have as much time as they needed. Even though someone came in right away, it was very dull and uninteresting and my mind drifted often. As happened yesterday, they move my head in tiny circles or in a head slide each time my thoughts drifted. When they move my head in this way it seems to be designed to feel soothing and comforting. Whatever the reason, when they do this my thoughts stop.

It took nearly an hour before my mind finally became quiet long enough that I noticed pulsation of light starting on the right side of my right eye. The light passed from right to left, passing over the bridge of my nose and out of my field of vision on the left side of my left eye. These pulses were regularly timed and I wondered whether they are coordinated to the beat of my heart. Even though I was able to make this consideration I was not able to move my hands to test my pulse.

When the pulsations of light passed, the field opened. It was black with pinpoints of light like the night sky. The edges of my field of vision were muddy and fuzzy and wobbly, not definite like they were on Saturday. When this passed they let me up. When I checked the clock it was not yet seven so I set a timer for twenty more minutes and sat down again. We were able to achieve the same field again only much more quickly. Once we achieved this we stopped.

As is becoming my habit, I sat for a bit last night before bed as well as again this morning. Last night was unremarkable other than that they spent most of the fifteen minutes making small circles with my head which caused a pressure to develop in a specific spot in my brain. When I look up parts of the brain this morning, the area is the frontal lobe, the portion of the brain that controls speaking, thinking, memory and movement. Notably, it was a very specific spot within the frontal lobe, on top of my head and not far enough back on my head to be any section of the brain than the frontal lobe.

This morning, I did not set a timer and allowed myself to sit with them as long as they wanted. At first they sat with me in a way that is so boring to me when they do this that my mind tends to wander and I wonder whether they are even there. However, they were there because each time my mind wandered off they moved my head. They either made small circles with my head or moved my head side to side, like a belly dancing head slide. Each time they moved my head it brought my attention back from wherever I had drifted to.

After many such interventions I was able to keep my mind blank and once I was able to keep my mind clear, something sat down in me. I was sitting in my chair and whatever it is sat right down inside my body. It felt sort of heavy in a way I am unable to describe. If ‘we’ did anything together other than sit I cannot recall it. Eventually, I got chilled and decided to get up and turn on a little space heater I keep nearby. But I couldn’t get up. I was paralyzed in that way they did the first time they came to me years ago. It felt nice and not at all scary but I could not move. Soon though, my husband got up and began moving about the house and then he/it/they let me up.