Compassion in Marriage (Part 7): Be the Emotional Leader

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Note: This is part 7 of Higgins’ response to this question. I re-posted the entire letter yesterday (May 2, 2012) for clarity as they address this next segment. The part Higgins is responding to today is bolded.

Question:  I’ve been trying to really take a look at how I view the world and watch the words that leave my mouth, understanding, as you have said, that these things shape my experiences. Well, the more I step back and look at myself, the more I see how my family has become used to being negative, and that negative outlook has skewed their vision. At first I thought it was just my husband as the source of the negativity, but now I see him as mirror to myself, and we both reflect to our children.

Higgins: Your family has become used to being negative. Correct. Yet another way to look at this is that you and your husband came together in relationship at some point in part because you were emotional/vibrational equals meaning that in some way you emotionally clicked. As children came forth, with you and your husband leading the emotional way, your children had to either become equal with the overall emotional environment within your household, rebel or leave.

So yes, your children’s outlook is skewed by the emotional leaders in the household (you and your husband) and reflect what you and your husband believe.

In your case your husband has been the emotional leader with you supporting him in that same emotional/vibrational equality that initially formed your relationship. Now you wish to change the emotional status quo and your husband isn’t prepared for this either mentally or emotionally. Another way to state this is you must become the new emotional leader and gently draw your husband and children into new emotional territory.

The way to accomplish this is to ever so gently begin to be the person you want to be. You do not want to try to explain this to your husband or your children or anyone else. You just want to ever so gently move forward through your days, being the person you wish to be and let everyone and everything in your life slip into place behind you.

Received May 2, 2012

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Compassion in Marriage (Part 6): Shaping the Events of Daily Existence

Posted on May 2, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Note: This is part 6 of Higgins’ response to this question. I have re-posted the entire letter for clarity and the part Higgins is responding to today is bolded.

Question: I read your channel on compassion and it was just what I needed to hear today.

I have a question for Higgins related to that channel. I’ve been trying to really take a look at how I view the world and watch the words that leave my mouth, understanding, as you have said, that these things shape my experiences. Well, the more I step back and look at myself, the more I see how my family has become used to being negative, and that negative outlook has skewed their vision. At first I thought it was just my husband as the source of the negativity, but now I see him as mirror to myself, and we both reflect to our children.

So now that I have stepped back and have taken a look at my own habits and have begun to change them, I find it a challenge to be in my husband’s company. He has the outlook that he is not appreciated, that he works too hard for no reward, and he doesn’t have a vision for his future. He always seems to have a reason why something can’t be done. I hear these words leave his mouth daily and when I try to explain to him that we shape our reality, he doesn’t hear it, and I think he doesn’t want to. I think he wants to hold onto being a victim, and I am not in that place anymore. The more I pull away from my husband (because I don’t know what else to do), the more sullen and angry he becomes, blaming me for his loneliness and unhappiness. I intend for my children to see the truth and live in a place of compassion. With their father as an example of the opposite, I’m not sure what to do.

So my question is, how do I maintain my viewpoint of compassion, achieve my dreams, and be a good example for my children, while living with a man who does not want the same? How do I love him when I don’t like being around him?

Higgins: Yes. Your thoughts, words, actions and most importantly the way you feel about your thoughts, words and actions shapes your daily life experience.

The way you feel is indicative of whether you are creating experiences you will enjoy or experiences you will find uncomfortable. If you find that you cannot manufacture positive emotion upon a topic then change the topic you are ruminating upon to something you can feel good about. If that doesn’t work then relax, letting your mind float on a sea of calm, thinking of nothing. Either option is superior to ruminating upon things that feel negative to you.

Consider this and the topic will be continued tomorrow.

Received May 2, 2012

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Compassion in Marriage (Part 5): My husband doesn’t want the same things

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Note: Higgins is responding to this detailed question in parts. Today they are responding to the bolded segment regarding couples who don’t want the same things. See the entry from April 16, 2012 for the full question.

Question: How do I maintain my viewpoint of compassion, achieve my dreams, and be a good example for my children, while living with a man who doesn’t want the same?

Higgins: We understand how it may seem as though your spouse does not want the same things that you do. Now that you have come to understand that each of you shapes your own world with your thoughts, words, actions and emotions it is uncomfortable to be around others who have not yet become aware of this truth. And you are no doubt aware now that no matter how you try you simply cannot force this awareness upon another.

Let us remind you that each of you, including your husband, is a brilliant being of light: a portion of that which you call God.  Like you, he is inspired genius. He is loving, kind, enthusiastic, energetic, talented and fun. From what you say he simply is not reflecting his brilliance very clearly right now.

Many of you are like that: magnificent diamonds who’ve lost their glitter. We don’t want you to rush right out and start polishing him. We want you to polish you. By doing so you will gently, subtly, softly remind him of his own brilliance. Walk beside him to show him the way because as you’ve come to know telling him what he should do and how he should do it just won’t work and in the end, that isn’t what your soul wants to do either.

As you begin to shine, your gentle inclusion of him in your wonderful new life will entice him toward exactly that which you desire: a fulfilling relationship with him and a satisfying, rewarding home life. This gentle, peaceful inclusion will help him relax back into harmony with his Truth and his Truth definitely wants you to achieve your dreams and definitely wants to be a good example for your children.

Blessings to you friend as you become more you than you have ever been before.

Received April 27, 2012

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Compassion in Marriage (Part 4): Achieving My Own Dreams

Posted on April 22, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Note: This is part 4 in a series. Check entry from April 16, 2o12 for the full version of this question. They address the bolded words in todays response.

Question: How do I maintain my viewpoint of compassion, achieve my dreams, and be a good example for my children, while living with a man who doesn’t want the same?

Higgins: Friend, no one can stop you from achieving your dreams whether you live with them or not. It is true that one who is close to you and whose opinion carries weight with you (whether you want it to or not) can negatively affect your creating. However, that only happens if you are not sure enough of yourself and your dream to carry positive thoughts about your dream regardless of the opinions of others.

The trick is to allow your ideas and dreams to mature a little more before you begin to share them. We’ve noticed that many of you want to share your thoughts and ideas with others hoping for positive responses that support and solidify your dreams. Yet many a very good idea is squashed the first time out of your mouths.

Creating a dream with others is fun. Moreover, if your dream needs the participation of another then talking it over with them from the idea’s inception seems like a sensible thing to do. However, if the person with whom you wish to co-create a dream (like this one for your family) can’t participate (in this instance your husband is simply not a vibrational match for it and it’s not that he won’t create with you it is that he can’t create with you) then the creation begins with you alone. Fine. This is a good place to start.

Don’t talk about your plans simply begin enacting them. Many of you really like to dissect the why’s of what you are doing and how you got to your new philosophy but really it is not necessary to do so. If you wish to be a good example for your children then be one. Make changes in yourself, in your speech, in your self-carriage, in the way you dress, in the way you address your children and your spouse. Be impeccable with you first and let a trickle down effect enhance the lives of your children and your spouse.

What we’re trying to say is don’t talk about it, do it. And do it gently. While you’re at it, find things to like about your husband. Just looking for things to like in him will create a more harmonious home atmosphere.

Received April 22, 2012

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Compassion in Marriage (Part 3): Developing Compassion

Posted on April 18, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

This offering from Higgins is part three in a series. In their last response they made the following statement:

Development of compassion is helpful in re-establishing balance in that emotional frequency that you call love.

Higgins will expand this topic today.

Offering from Higgins:

If you expect your spouse, or anyone, to always do what you wish for them to do you will be disappointed for they came forward to express who they are, not to do what pleases you. They do not want that and neither do you. It is far better for all of you to learn instead to allow others to be who they wish at the same time expressing yourself the way you wish.

You have drawn unto you understanding that inspires your life in a positive way and (from well-intentioned desire to assist your spouse) you have attempted to share this with him and he repels your effort. We encourage you to cease your attempts to share your exciting new information with him. Relax. Remember that all is well. Then try this trick for developing compassion: view your husband as a young boy, full of enthusiasm for life. Once you have that picture of him in your heart feel compassion for that young boy for whom life has been so hard. View that happy little boy turned man, struggling in a life that seems overwhelming and out of control.

With this picture of him it’s easy to see why he’s become discouraged, sullen and angry. Anger is a much stronger emotion than the emotion of depressed victim and so he jumps into anger because it feels so much better than the lower emotions that are accessible to him. Further, he cannot hear what you have to say about change for the positive because he is simply out of alignment right now with that possibility.

Can you feel some compassion for where he is in his life? If so you’ve made great progress towards relaxing back into your natural state of being that simply oozes love.

Let’s explain one more concept here: you’ve described your husband as someone who is a victim in his own life. (No one appreciates him, he works so hard, etc…) Well, victim is a very low vibration and each time you say something that brings him to anger you actually are bringing him into an emotional range that is better than the one he wanders around with most of the time, that of victim in his own life. So you might start secretly applauding him every time he gets angry because anger, for him, is a step in the right direction.

Received April 18, 2012 at Everett, Washington

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Compassion in Marriage (Part 2): How Do I Love Him When I Don’t Like Being Around Him?

Posted on April 17, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Note from Cheryl: Higgins is responding to this involved question segmentally. I have bolded the aspect of the question that they are responding to today.

Question: I read your channel on compassion and it was just what I needed to hear today.

I have a question for Higgins related to that channel. I’ve been trying to really take a look at how I view the world and watch the words that leave my mouth, understanding, as you have said, that these things shape my experiences. Well, the more I step back and look at myself, the more I see how my family has become used to being negative, and that negative outlook has skewed their vision. At first I thought it was just my husband as the source of the negativity, but now I see him as mirror to myself, and we both reflect to our children.

So now that I have stepped back and have taken a look at my own habits and have begun to change them, I find it a challenge to be in my husband’s company. He has the outlook that he is not appreciated, that he works too hard for no reward, and he doesn’t have a vision for his future. He always seems to have a reason why something can’t be done. I hear these words leave his mouth daily and when I try to explain to him that we shape our reality, he doesn’t hear it, and I think he doesn’t want to. I think he wants to hold onto being a victim, and I am not in that place anymore. The more I pull away from my husband (because I don’t know what else to do), the more sullen and angry he becomes, blaming me for his loneliness and unhappiness. I intend for my children to see the truth and live in a place of compassion. With their father as an example of the opposite, I’m not sure what to do.

So my question is, how do I maintain my viewpoint of compassion, achieve my dreams, and be a good example for my children, while living with a man who does not want the same? How do I love him when I don’t like being around him?

Higgins: Love is a much misunderstood emotion. Love is not something you give and receive: love is something you are. You are a being of love and light and blessed wonder. When you radiate emotion in alignment with the Truth of Who You Are then love is an emotion you radiate. Love is something you feel and emit when you are in aligment with you. When others behave in a way that is pleasing to you it is easy for you to radiate love, appreciation and other nice feeling emotions. When others behave in ways that are not pleasing it is often more difficult to continue radiating those same nice feeling emotions.

What we want you to understand is anytime you have unpleasant emotions arise it is because in some way your current situation has pulled you off balance such that you yourself are no longer in alignment with your Truth.

Development of compassion is helpful in re-establishing balance in that emotional frequency that you call love.

We will address this in our next writing.

Friend, asker of this extraordinarily fine series of questions, read these answers slowly. Allow them to simmer within you until understanding blossoms.

Received April 17, 2012 at Everett, Washington

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Compassion in Marriage (Part 1)

Posted on April 16, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Question: I read your channel on compassion and it was just what I needed to hear today.

I have a question for Higgins related to that channel. I’ve
been trying to really take a look at how I view the world
and watch the words that leave my mouth, understanding, as
you have said, that these things shape my experiences. Well,
the more I step back and look at myself, the more I see how
my family has become used to being negative, and that
negative outlook has skewed their vision. At first I thought
it was just my husband as the source of the negativity, but
now I see him as mirror to myself, and we both reflect to
our children.

So now that I have stepped back and have taken a look at my
own habits and have begun to change them, I find it a
challenge to be in my husband’s company. He has the outlook
that he is not appreciated, that he works too hard for no
reward, and he doesn’t have a vision for his future. He
always seems to have a reason why something can’t be done. I
hear these words leave his mouth daily and when I try to
explain to him that we shape our reality, he doesn’t hear
it, and I think he doesn’t want to. I think he wants to hold
onto being a victim, and I am not in that place anymore. The
more I pull away from my husband (because I don’t know what
else to do), the more sullen and angry he becomes, blaming
me for his loneliness and unhappiness. I intend for my
children to see the truth and live in a place of compassion.
With their father as an example of the opposite, I’m not
sure what to do.

So my question is, how do I maintain my viewpoint of
compassion, achieve my dreams, and be a good example for my
children, while living with a man who does not want the
same? How do I love him when I don’t like being around him?

Higgins: There is so much involved in the answer to this question that we will break it down into parts and respond first to the largest question which is: Do you want your marriage to succeed?

We want you to understand that there is a solution for every problem but if you have given up on your marriage no amount of well-intentioned ‘work’ on your part will solve the issues you are facing.

To determine your true response sit quietly and let your mind relax. Listen for your heart response. If your heart finds relief in staying in the marriage (and we believe that it will) then our answer(s) to your question(s) will make sense and you will be able to find solutions that work for you.

The importance of re-determining the level of commitment you have for your marriage is paramount since that commitment is what determines your true intention and desire for the outcome of this entire situation.

Received April 16, 2012 at Lake Goodwin, Washington

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Shifts in Life

Posted on April 14, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Offering from Higgins:

Shifts in life may be stimulated by internal or external factors. For example, when a child reaches adolescence or a woman achieves menopause a change in hormones stimulates a shift in perception. Men have a similar hormonal shift in the same time frame that a woman achieves menopause that is less obvious but nonetheless stimulates the same sort of perceptual shift. These we define as internal shifts.

An external factor could look like the death of a loved one, a serious car accident or a divorce.

Humans are ever evolving beings: these shifts are desirable yet often perceived as undesirable. What you each must do is remind yourself that there is more going on unseen than seen and that all things are conspiring towards your greatest good and towards the highest spiritual evolution of mankind. With that in mind always move towards that which brings relief. Sort that out (the knowing which way to move) and life will flow seamlessly, experienced enthusiastically by each of you.

Received April 14, 2012 at Everett, Washington

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Where is Mankind Headed?

Posted on April 13, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Question: Where is mankind headed?

Higgins: Mankind is an aspect of All That Is, of God, of Allah, of the Source of All Things, of Creator. There is only one thing mankind can do and that is return to the God-Self. So while each of you is here enjoying a wondrous physical body in this magnificent physical location each of you has only one true direction and that is towards connection with, and expression of, one’s God-Self.

We call the God-Self the Self or Broader Self and we call expression of your Self expressing the Truth of Who You Are. The whole you we call the Eternal Self because that which you perceive as ‘I’ and that largely unperceived Broader Self (that most of you are unaware of) are one eternal multi-faceted package.

Each is born with full understanding that they will be guided by this Broader Self while upon the Earth. What happens is: the density of the physical body/realm is more powerful than your Eternal Self expected and is overwhelming when paired with the teachings of those primary beings in your life; parents, teachers, friends, etc… who help shape your beliefs.

That said, one either reconnects here in this physical realm with their Truth or reconnects with their Truth after they die and pass back into their non-physical form. There is no other option but to return to one’s God Self.

Now for the answer to the question: Where is mankind headed?

Mankind is headed towards complete reconnection with their Broader Self while in the physical body.

You may well ask, “What is the importance of that reconnection?”

A physical being who is in harmony with their Truth whether or not they completely understand how they are connected to a Broader Self will move through physical life with grace and ease, enjoying life fully. When their physical days draw to an end, these harmonious beings will simply return to their Eternal form without fuss–no need for poor health, illness, or trauma to take them out as so many of you do now.

Life on Earth when in harmony with one’s Truth is a blessed existence. In one’s Truth one makes decisions based only upon desire and all decisions can only lead to a common good for all.

En masse, what you physicals are trying to do is create that seemingly elusive Heaven on Earth.

Received Friday, April 13, 2012 at Lake Goodwin, Washington

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What is Compassion?

Posted on April 7, 2012 by Cheryl Jensen

Question: What is compassion? How do we get more of it?

Higgins:

Compassion is an emotion in the vibrational range of love and deep appreciation and encompasses the emotion of deep understanding.

Develop compassion by directing your thoughts towards gentle understanding and acceptance of the world around you.

Example: Let’s envision you walking down the street and you see your young neighbor boy kicking a dog. Of course you will want the boy to stop so the dog will not be further harmed. You may even feel angry with the boy for hurting the dog, or angry with the boy’s parents for not preventing this act of cruelty or for  raising a boy who’d kick a dog in the first place.

Viewed with compassion this is what you see: You see a boy, a beautiful being of light and grace whose life experience has thrown him so off-balance and out of synch with the expression of his Truth that he would (or even could) be drawn to harm another living being.

When the situation is viewed this way an entirely different emotion, the emotion of compassion, rises within followed by an entirely different solution for obviously a beautiful being of light whose life experience has thrown him off-balance will not benefit from an angry word nor from a spanking.

This next aspect is crucial: What you do next helps to draw you into expression of your Truth.

Do you now gently draw this boy into your life experience and by the grace of your expression of Truth show him another option for living? And if so, how do you choose to do that? Do you talk with him and his parents, perhaps offer to spend 15 minutes with him every day after school teaching him how to train his dog? Or perhaps you simply distract him for the moment and invite him and the dog along on your walk?

How you respond to each and every moment of life directs your future so if you respond to this in alarm or in anger no good is directed into your future. Respond with compassion and warmth and welcome will be nurtured in your now and directed into your future.

Received April 7, 2012 at Everett, Washington

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